Now, this woman was demolished of her happiness. Nobody ruined it for her; only herself. She took a constant blame on everyone who entered into her life, and that they were the ones that killed her inside. Only, she was the one doing the damage. She peeled away the good of her life, and didn't know what to do or to expect from others. Her depression got worse; as did the environment around her. She had hoped that everyone around her would know exactly how she felt. Although, everyone just smiled, and lived on; while she didn't. She isolated herself to a point where she felt she had nobody. When in all actuality; she did. She had more than most. She was selfish, and hopeless. That's what she thought. When she saw everybody who contained happiness and kept it, she died a little inside. She noticed how she could never keep her head up high when needed. It was always shrugged. Her posture progressively downgraded every single day. Her neck strained gradually, as her legs ached from walking away from her loved ones too many times. Then, she galvanized the fact that it all became too much for her.
She had finally figured it out. An end to all of her confusion. She didn't want love, or didn't need empathy. None of the sort, and she didn't want to find a man nor woman. She craved for the knowledge to know that she wasn't alone in the world. She wanted someone to reassure her that there was always help, and that there always will be. Not from a therapist, or counselor, nor social worker. But from someone who's been through the same journey, and made it back. From someone who understood her struggle, and her hatred towards herself. She needed inspiration. All she was provided with was friends that told her that she didn't deserve a place on this earth, and that her mind was useless. Once, she encountered a particular person who informed her that the breathes she took were of waste, and that her body belonged in the ground. She pondered on that thought, about what would happen if she did go. It would have been considered a selfish act for the ones who still resided on the other side. But, it was her decision. Whether she were to stay or go was her choice in time, and it wasn't a crime. Yet, it was a sin to most. Well... Then consider myself a sinner.
She cried herself to sleep every night wondering what she could do to make the world better for herself. Once the tear hit her cheek; it was clear to her that there was nothing she could do. Only to put her focus on the essence of herself, and make it clear to her that living was the only option she had. Whether she had to force herself or not; she would accomplish it. She would achieve the impossible. She would rot all of the negative out of herself. If she didn't, she would have put the ones she loves, and their lives in danger. Her leaving would only create the domino affect. Once she was gone, more would go. She was told so. Her mother, informed her of her taking her own life if her baby left this world. The young man she loves, replied back to her with the simple form that if she went, he went. And her best friend, had always made her realize that she was everything to her. Plus, she was the same as her. None of this made anything better. It only made thinking harder to achieve. And more painful to consider.
She had always dreamt of a perfect life. Where she would finally reside next to him, while we both cared and loved each other. Her parents and herself, would remain as they always had. They rejoiced in a beautiful relationship, and filled each other with honesty. Her best friend and her would love one another even more than the present; if that was even achievable. Then, most importantly, she would love herself. She would consider all of the wonderful things about her. Provide herself with some credit and continue to gather facts about herself that she didn't discover until now.
But until that moment comes, she laid there. In the middle of the vacant room. No light to be found, not a utter of sound to be detected, and herself in the middle. Candles gathered around her, like she had always found peace in. Then, she'd glance at photos of the promising past, and remember how lovely her life was, and could've been. Photographs spread across a great distance, one next to another, in a non-linear pattern. Each one complimenting the next. Adjacent to her leg, rested a knife. One she had slept with in the night, and one that made her comfort increase by a gradual amount. The blade perfectly sharpened, and shining across the open window that was parallel to the ground wood. She stared out the window, to recognize the light that hit her face, and made it burn with a passion. She once again, saw the beauty that she had once saw as that little girl. She looked down once last time, staring at the pictures once more. Her life flashed before herself and she knew what she had to do. Her happiness was about to enter her body, as she left it. She spread the photographs further and further apart to get a good last look at all of them together. Her hand edged for the weapon that laid right beside her, and her body ached for it. Once it rested in her palm, she gripped it tighter. It released some energy out of her before the final draw. She lifted her head up higher, her smiling, and looking straight at the sun's ray. Suddenly, she held the edge of the blade directly upon her skin. She closed her eyes, wondered one last time why she was still here. And that was it... They finally noticed her Scarlet Tears.
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