I am leaving, finally. This place has brought the worst out of me, and has showed me the worst of others. I walk these hallways with a fake smile, and a peppy walk for the sake of my own sanity. I forget that they already know; that I am already insane. That I've already lost my "cool". I never figured that what I would bring here, just to express who I am, would damage me, and show the evil of others I loved. I've cried here, I've ran here, I've hugged here, I've loved here, I've learned here, and I've taught here. I was educated on the well being of myself, and how it effects others around me.
I remember the start. I walked in the first day; only to be taunted on what I was doing here. How I was hit for standing in the school that soon, I would be out of. Then, I went through it all. I helped, laughed, cried and jolted down hallways even wondering what I was still doing here.
This place; I still call it home. It's where everyone I love is, and even my enemies. Though, I'd rather stay with them than my own self. It's where I showed the very best and the very worst of me.
When it's time to go, and I have to take that last walk down that same hallway I was beaten in, and verbally abused in. I'll remember one thing; I'm still alive. I survived. People like you and I; we're survivors, I was once told. Than I shall continue on that way, alive, and surviving. I'll walk out to my own transportation, turn around and take one last look at the school for a long while. I'll smile slightly, and remember who I am, and what I've done, and not regret any of it. I'll slaughter all of those who've deserved it for most of the year, and those who have hurt me. I'll stick my middle finger up to the ones who thought I could never make it, the ones who thrived for my death, and the persons who thought that I wouldn't succeed.
"I'll be my own villain from now on". I'll tell anyone who ever told me that I was a "freak" or a "sin", that I may be; but I'm fucking proud of it. I'll be sure to let them know that who I am is who I will always be, and who I will ever be. I do not plan on changing, not even for the ones who have known me for most of my existence. They know that what I am, and who I choose to be, is what I want to be, and who I need to be. Yes, I'll admit; I am different and unique, one of the originals. And that's what is so satisfying about it. Knowing that nobody could ever be like me, and nobody can ever take my place, or anybody else's place for that matter. I love it, and I thrive off of it. Yes, I may cry inside for my taunting, but that doesn't at all persuade me to change the way I am for anybody. My life has more worth than that, and I know that I was born to lead, not to follow.
So, my question is; Does it ever really get better? From what I've seen and experienced, it's up to you. It's what you do with yourself that determines that fate. Yes, fate. I said it. You can decide your own fate; you may not know what you're deciding upon, but you can choose the first or the second option. For me, things will never be better. I'll always have thoughts in my mind, and they will always linger. That'll never change, and they will never leave me. But, for others of a more optimistic side of them, it will most definitely get better. The world will continue on, and they will move with it. It's the way things work. Everyone is different, and are stable in different moments. Me, I'm naturally a very complex person, and I am very hard to figure out in a second. But, I come off as easy to figure out. That's only for the simple fact that I do not show all of who I am to everybody at once. Last time I did that, someone left me, for good. I'd hate for history to repeat itself. Especially since history isn't the most inspiring subject.
So, today is the day. The one time that I'll show everyone that I truly will be fine. If they do not believe my theory, then who cares. It's my choice of what I do to myself, and what I want to do. Everything I wear, everything I say, and everything I do has some sense of meaning. Whether it's that I am wearing a ring representing a lost loved one. Or me wearing a band t-shirt to symbolize that they're the ones who showed me I'll be okay. My actions are in much more depth and vibrant that most people's. That's what I admire about them, they have a grotesque meaning towards them. Grotesque and beautiful meaning towards them.
... I'll turn around. I'll smile slightly and remember who I am and what I've done, and not regret any of it. I repeat; I am the angel surrounded by light. As it is stated in common sense; you never create conflict with the light.
Here we are; I am free. At last.
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