For further reason, I have no acknowledgment as to what sort of world we're living in. We're surrounded by things that cannot be explained, and people that devote to such cruelty to ones who have done nothing in return. The determined sickness of this world is pulling itself apart, and creating it to be something, in all actuality, it isn't.
I see the world in a different perspective than most people. I choose to see the beauty in it, and the wonders it brings to us, regularly. I take the little things that it gives us, and over-exaggerates the sense of it, and turns it into a beacon. I stare at the sidewalk while walking, seeing each foot disappear as the other re-appears. I blast the sweet sound of my music in my ears, taking in all that the world has to offer, and all that it is when my eyes hit it. I simply see it as a beautiful, and extraordinary creation, in which, does not have a definite definition of itself. It's gorgeously complex, and mysterious. I glance at nature as a wondrous piece of the world that cannot ever be destroyed without a fight, and a part of the world that will never lose it's beauty. It's calms nerves, moves minds, and creates chaos. The shapes that it creates, and the gestures it makes without even being called upon, makes me wonder why the whole world cannot be looked at like this. It's carefulness and development, isn't even recognized.
My mind used to look at the world as hell. It used to call it a sin to live on such a place that makes you feel the way I used to. I'd criticize it, and make fun of the ways it brought us; when I was at my darkest and most depressive moments. I never looked past the pain, and always looked at what needed to be done to it. Of course; there are still some ways that the world would need to show us it's actual beauty and not coat it with the lust of the hell we think it is. Most take granted for what they're actually standing on, the soil they reside on, and what they believe is wrong.
I've seen fear, I've seen hell, I've seen evil, and I've seen self-loathing, and pain...
Ones who have isolated themselves to a corner where they feel safe. Where they cannot be hurt, broken, or betrayed anymore. Seeming as if they don't understand what the world is actually about. They do not comprehend the love that it can bring, and the joy, or the happiness; which is also, understandable. Considering they have not felt in a while, usually monotone, never feeling any sense of happiness or love. It's hard to believe that something actually exists, or can come back when it has come and left you many times, and hasn't been seen in a while. I know. It's a certain feeling that all you've ever felt from your past, until now, is all you'll ever feel. That all you've ever experienced; your happiness, your love, your pain, and your loss, is all that there is in this world. You've believed that there's nothing new you'll ever feel. It seems like a permanent theory, but it's just the fact that you have to believe that it's not true. Otherwise, you'll never make anything of yourself, ever again.
The day is your time to shine, where you fake every positive emotion possible, just so that your loved ones can believe that you're okay. Just so that they don't have to worry; because you know you don't want them to. It's alright, they'll believe you sometime soon. Once they see all the good that you're doing, and all the good you'll ever do; they'll make sure that you don't ever go back to what you once thought. But the secret is; is that that's all you've ever felt. During day, it's when you soak in the heat of the sun that may not be out for long, and assure everyone how beautiful, amazing, wonderful, and loved they all are; because you wouldn't want them to feel the same way you do.
The night is the time of loathing, where you're puzzled at what happened when you saw the sun, because now you see the moon. You contemplate what's going to happen tomorrow, when you have to pretend yourself again to ones you thought you loved. I've spent most of my time in the dark, remembering what's happened and what I've done. What I did to lose the people that I did, and how I lost them. It makes me ache wondering if I could've done something to help them, or done something to prevent their loss. Being abandoned, betrayed, hurt, beaten, and outspoken will make someone go insane, then be called it. Not knowing that they are actually one of the most sane people known to this world. Some people just don't deserve it...
"Life is difficult, hard. Death is easy, peaceful."
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